Thursday, September 15, 2011

TB: And When I Die

Better late than never. No? Well too bad, I was on the road, wrecking havoc across America, while you all were sitting comfortably in your easy chair. Deal. I'm only halfway through my journey, so radio silence will resume after this brief post.

Con: I just realized from watching the recap, I really didn’t need to watch last week’s episode. I think the recap may have been a tad more interesting than the actual show. Good job Recap Editors.


Pro: Lafayette/Marnie did some expert eye-lining/lash job this week. I want her as my makeup artist. Still the same “just chillin’ au naturale” do though. She better step it up or I’m going to have to revoke her Vidal Sassoon Pro membership card real soon.


Con: Marnie doesn’t seem to like her eggs over easy (which is the best way of course). What a waste of good man-meat. I wouldn’t kick Jesus out of bed. I’m just sayn’.


Pro: Tommy remembered is much better than Tommy in the flesh, especially when you have Maxine to reflect with. And from the convo, we discover that Tommy stole a pair of Maxine's underpants. Who knew Tommy could be so Method.  Look out Johnny Depp.


Pro: And you just know the scene is all downhill from here, as Jason opens by having a little pow wow with himself in his rear-view mirror on the way to face Hoyt. Good luck buddy. I foresee, all 6 ½ ft of the Tree, decking Jason’s sorry ass out very soon.


Pro: “Kind of a weird question to ask, but if you really want to know, uhh, missionary, doggie, then her on top. It was nothin’ too kinky.” “PoP” Jason, you were just beggin’ for it.

Pro: Oh, the things I learn from True Blood. If you are ever backed into a corner and need a Get out of Jail Free card from sleeping with the wrong person, blame it on the blood. It works every time.


Pro: I’m sort of sexually attracted to angry Hoyt at the moment. Keep them coming big boy.


Pro: Great acting this week, by the dudes that play Lafayette and Jesus. From possessed crazy-eyed Lafayette to shocked wide-eyed Jesus, I don’t really have a problem with this extraneous sub-plot.


Pro: “Zombies are the new vampires.” Arlene as a zombie makes more sense and is way more interesting than the stupid evil baby subplot, which is fortunately currently on ice. Arlene actually looks purtier as a walking dead.

Con: “You can’t trade magic like Pokemon cards.” Okay, this sub-plot has officially outstayed its welcome tonight. There is plenty more ground to cover before the end, and we still haven’t even seen Eric or Pam. Let’s move on shall we.



Pro: Jesus does his brojo shtick, and I get back into the game. Love the intense eye duck-tape chair acting. Okay the spittle was a bit much, but I guess that’s what you get from the “serious” actors. Take that AP.


Pro: Love Arlene’s daughter’s Halloween getup. Dressing up like a knocked up pre-teen is going to be the next big thing this year, trust.


Con: Holy shiz, it’s the dude from Felicity. Okay, just why?


Con: “I can’t change who I love.” No, she doesn’t even know who she loves, so why not take a ride on 8-pack while you’re at it. If she can’t commit to Eric, she might as well give brainless a go.


Con: Jesus RIP. I’m actually going to miss his brojo ass.


Pro: Holly as a middle-aged broken-down shift fairy might just be the trick that will get Andy’s libido going. I’m not sure if the joint is going to help, but it can’t hurt.


Pro: “She’s back.” And Eric is missing. Oh lord, this calls for a Scooby-Do investigation. Good thing the deadly trio is on the case and has a retro car handy.

Pro: “It’s like a Wiccan first-aid kit.” High Holly is pretty funny, but this really doesn’t make up for the complete lack of Eric.


Pro: Now that’s what I’m talking about. I can even deal with Behul’s presence if we get a little of shirtless man chichi action, Eric style. And we get another small hint that old Eric is slowly creeping back. But it would be so much better if he said “Your Majesty,” with a disdainful sarcastic sneer and implied FU.


Con: The boys were on a pyre, but I really didn’t think it would actually be used. Only good thing about the scene is Lafayette in a mu-mu. It goes with her relaxed do.


Pro: Holly is a better witch when she's high and not being one-upped by Marnie. And the ghost’s from sister’s past come to the rescue. Antonia 1, Marnie 1. It’s a draw.


Con: “Holy goddess.” Yep, Grandma Adele is back, and she is pissed. Okay, who else is going to be brought back for the finale? We haven’t seen Renee or Eggs in a while.

Con: Marnie: “Oh, this fucking sucks.” I totally agree.


Pro: “Excuse me. We are feeling a little crispy up here.”


Con: Wow, they definitely have a quota to fill. I so called Renee coming back. Okay, next will be Eggs. Can we be any more predictable here people?


Pro: I have a feeling Deborah Ann Woll has a No-Titty clause in her contract. That’s the only thing that can explain her always covering up when she is getting down. Not that I want to see her titties or anything, but the strange covering up action is a bit of a distraction from the gratuitous sex scenes. Jessica as little Red Riding Hood is way predictable as well, but the odd couple is definitely hot.

Pro: Jessica asking if sex is enough for Jason, is like asking an alcoholic if an open bar with only Well drinks is cool. Uh, yeah.


Pro: “I’m so over Sookie, and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name.” Pam has entered the building. That is all.


Pro: Double the pleasure I guess. I think this was sort of similar to Sook’s previous fantasy, minus the killer heels and red negligee.


Con: Sookie’s indecision is probably indicative of Alan Ball’s ambiguous feelings over the two smoking jacket wearing vamps. This is clearly a case of AB wanting to give the show back to Behul, but knows he would lose major viewership if he scammed the fans. And I pick option C, neither fool. What a cop out.

Con: You know there is a problem with the direction of the show, when Lafayette and Jesus’s love story pulls on the heart strings more than Sookie’s inane love “issues”.


Con: “I'm Sober and lonely.” An offer only a shift-fairy can appreciate I guess. For me, not so much.


Con: Okay not Eggs, but the Reverend. For all those fans that called in about missing the good man, this one’s for you.


Pro: And guess who else is back. That’s right Russell Effing Edgington. Now the question is, who dug him out of his concrete grave?


Pro: And the night would definitely not be complete without the madam Nan making an appearance. Nan: “Why bother, when your tongue is so far up his ass.”


Pro: Of course they save the most interesting events of the night for the very last. Nan defects and asks Eric and Behul to join her little club. If this means more Nan next season, then I’m all for it.


Con: “You’re bluffing. I saw the way you both looked at her. Hungry puppy dogs, slobbering over the same juicy bone." RIP Nan. No effing way. Okay, I didn’t see that one coming. Damn, what a waste.

Con: Eric: “What a bitch.” Yeah, but she was my bitch dammit!!


Pro: Crack-head Debbie finally converges with what I remembered from the books. And I’ll finally get my scene, that I thought happened last season. I’m still so confused.

Con: I need to see definitive proof before I go with Tara being dead. And what a great belated B-day present that would be. And I didn’t get anything for you Mr. Ball. If anything, she only suffered a flesh wound.


Pro: Okay, it might be a little deeper than a flesh wound. And that’s it folks. Until next summer, when we discover Sookie still can’t make a choice between the boys and Tara is still alive and well, just to annoy the hell out of me.

Go Here for io9's Recap.
Images courtesy of Shadow of Reflections.

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